Markepoetry Part 2: It Turns Out I Have Needs

My friend Jonathan Opp once pointed out to me that his most hated marketing speak is the phrase “Meet your needs,” as in:

This Extra Giganto Super Widget is designed to meet your needs.

or

Wowzit Consulting and Sparky McSuccess & Sons have come together with a service offering sure to meet your needs.

Now that I’ve pointed it out, you will see this phrase everywhere. And it will start bugging you as much as it does Jonathan (and now me). Today’s Markepoem is dedicated to Jonathan Opp, and is constructed entirely of the fodder that came up in Google when I entered the term “Meet your needs.”

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It turns out I have needs, and they are yet unmet.
It turns out there are need meet-ers out there.

I found some for you,
In case your needs are unmet too.

The right type of housing to meet your needs,
Specialized software to meet your needs,
Truck bodies to meet your needs,
Available Unicode software to meet your needs,
And a “Growing to Meet Your Needs” program,
that provides a variety of opportunities.

Value servers to meet your needs,
Conference and event spaces to meet your needs,
Weight loss programs to meet your needs,
Yoga to meet your needs,
Even Texas Health Insurance… to meet your needs.

Technology solutions! A monitor filter! Assessment tools!
VA home modification grants! Calf raise variants! Comfortable rooms!
Quality metallurgists! Fast processing loans! Online brokers!
Great health aids varieties! Homeowners insurance coverage! Fake certificates!
Internet marketing services!

All fully customizable.
Catered for your specific needs.

It turns out I still have needs.

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Markepoetry is the language of marketing, made beautiful.